Today I had my last in person appointment with T. I have been seeing her for four years now. I have such a feeling of loss. I didn’t express emotion in the session and then I wanted to cry as soon as I left. I never cry. In four years of therapy I’ve never cried. The relationship I’ve had with my therapist is what I would have loved to have had with a mother. It felt safe and like home. She gave me two things as parting gifts. She gave me a small clown mask (that actually looks happy rather than scary), she said this is to remind me not to wear any masks for other people, that I am enough just the way I am. She also gave me a small quilted sunflower pillow that says “we all need a little sunshine, and flowers”. She said it is to remind me to smile. Sunflowers are actually my favorite flower and yellow is my favorite color, so I really like it. I really like the thought behind both gifts. I acknowledged them with a thank you, but I feel bad because I didn’t try to articulate how much that meant to me. I’m really going to miss her and it feels nice to have something of hers. Is that weird ?